My Love,
Don’t Cross That River
A Film by Jin Mo-young
Community
Engagement & Education
DISCUSSION GUIDE
www.pbs.org/pov
POV
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
LETTER FROM THE FILMMAKER
In 2012, I watched a Korean TV documentary called Grey-Haired
Lovers about a couple. There were five 30-minute episodes, and
it was a big shock to me that the couple had been able to have
such a loving life together for so long. The TV documentary was
really beautiful and well made, but I was sure there was some-
thing more to their story. So, I visited the couple the very next
day and started to look for the “secret” of their love.
They were already famous because of the TV documentary and
their colorful dress. I aimed to focus on just their story in the mo-
ment. Their lifestyle, which maybe looks unique to foreign audi-
ences, comes through in small moments.
I stayed with them as a friend, and after a few months we became
so close that I thought of them as my parents and they also
treated me as they would their own son. They are old, and their
everyday life is a routine, like that of any other old folks living in
the countryside. But I never made them do something for the
film—I just looked, waited and shot.
They showed me that great love is like a great mountain, made of
billions of specks of tiny dust. It can never collapse or be de-
stroyed and stays always as it is.
Many traditional Koreans believe in the idea of an afterlife, and
Kang Gye-Yeol is one of them. Every human gets sick and dies,
and people fall into despair. Whether or not I believe in that af-
terlife, whether it exists or not, it was really impressive to watch
as she truly prepared not only for the death of her husband but
also for eternal love and life with him. She has no doubt about it
at all.
When I started shooting, I just wanted to find out the secret of
their love. But, as time went on, I could see many more facets to
their lives, and, I guess because of this, audiences enjoyed the film from their own varied viewpoints—married or not mar-
ried, male or female, young or old, as a son or daughter, mother or father and so on. To all of them, this couple proved that
eternal love still exists in this world.
Jin Mo-young
Filmmaker, My Love, Don’t Cross That River
Director Jin Mo-young.
Photo courtesy Film Movement
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
2 Letter from the Filmmaker
4 Introduction
5 Potential Partners
5 Key Issues
5 Using This Guide
6 Selected People Featured
in My Love, Don’t Cross That River
7 General Discussion Questions
8 Discussion Prompts
11 Taking Action
12 Resources
13 How to Buy the Film
Writer
Faith Rogow, PhD
Insighters Educational Consulting
Guide Producers, POV
Eliza Licht
Vice President, Content Strategy and Engagement, POV
Alice Quinlan
Manager, Community Engagement and Education, POV
Ione Barrows
Associate, Community Engagement and Education, POV
Design:
Rafael Jiménez
Copy Editor:
Natalie Danford
Thanks to those who reviewed this guide:
Jin Mo-young
Director, My Love, Don’t Cross That River
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CREDITS
89-year-old Kang Gye-Yeol and 98-year-old
Jo Byeong-Man live in a rural riverside home
in Gangwon Province, South Korea. They have
been together for 76 years and have raised six
children, yet they maintain a playful relation-
ship that makes them seem like newlyweds.
Now, as their aging bodies struggle with daily
chores and illness, Jo and Kang must face the
reality of their aging romance and the knowl-
edge that joy inevitably will be counterbal-
anced by sorrow. My Love, Don’t Cross that
River captures the fleeting moments of their
twilight days.
INTRODUCTION
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
Jo Byeong-man, Kang Kye-yeol.
Photo courtesy Film Movement
My Love, Don’t Cross That River is well suited for use in
a variety of settings and is especially recommended for
use with:
• Your local PBS station
• Groups that have discussed previous PBS and POV
films relating to love, aging and end-of-life issues
or Korean culture, including The Self-Made Man,
Sweet Old Song, Seven Songs for a Long Life, Tea
Time and First Person Plural.
• Groups focused on any of the issues listed in the
“Key Issues” section
• Senior centers and gerontology specialists
• Faith-based organizations and institutions
• Cultural, art and historical organizations,
institutions and museums
• Civic, fraternal and community groups
• High school students, youth groups and clubs
• Academic departments and student groups at
colleges, universities and high schools
• Community organizations with a mission to
promote education and learning, such as local
libraries
My Love, Don’t Cross That River is an excellent tool for
outreach and will be of special interest to people looking
to explore the following topics:
• aging
• cultural studies
• death and dying
• end-of-life care
• gerontology
• grief
• Korea
• marriage
• tradition and rituals
• romance
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
USING THIS GUIDE
This guide is an invitation to dialogue. It is based on a belief in the power of human connection, designed for people who
want to use My Love, Don’t Cross That River to engage family, friends, classmates, colleagues and communities. In con-
trast to initiatives that foster debates in which participants try to convince others that they are right, this document en-
visions conversations undertaken in a spirit of openness in which people try to understand one another and expand their
thinking by sharing viewpoints and listening actively.
The discussion prompts are intentionally crafted to help a wide range of audiences think more deeply about the issues
in the film. Rather than attempting to address them all, choose one or two that best meet your needs and interests. And
be sure to leave time to consider taking action. Planning next steps can help people leave the room feeling energized and
optimistic, even in instances when conversations have been difficult.
For more detailed event planning and facilitation tips, visit www.pov.org/engage
POTENTIAL PARTNERS
KEY ISSUES
SELECT PEOPLE
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
Jo Byeong-Man, who is 98, and his wife, Kang Gye-Yeol, who
is 89, are known as the “100-year old lovebirds.” They have lived
together since 1938, after Jo was hired by Kang’s parents to work
in their small smith shop in Gangwon Province, South Korea.
Kang’s parents allowed them to get married when she was only
14, so they could use him as free labor. Jo viewed this as a good
opportunity, as he had lost his parents at an early age and had no
place to live. However, the couple only became intimate three
years into their marriage. To this day, Kang expresses her
gratitude to her husband for bucking the societal norms of the
time. Together, Jo and Kang had 12 children, but six were lost to
disease and war.
Selected People Featured in My Love, Don’t Cross That River
Jo and Kang.
Photo courtesy Film Movement
Immediately after the film, you may want to give people a
few quiet moments to reflect on what they have seen or
pose a general question (examples below) and give people
some time to themselves to jot down or think about their
answers before opening the discussion:
• If a friend asked you what this film was about, what
would you say?
• If you could ask Jo, Kang or their children a single
question, what would you ask?
• If you could ask the filmmaker a question, what
would you want to know?
• What did you learn from this film? What insights did
it provide?
• Describe a moment or scene in the film that you
found particularly disturbing or moving. What was it
about that scene that was especially compelling for
you?
At the end of your discussion, to help people synthesize
what they’ve experienced and move the focus from dia-
logue to action steps, you may want to choose one of
these questions
• What did you learn from this film that you wish
everyone knew? What would change if everyone
knew it?
• If you could require one person (or one group) to
view this film, who would it be? What would you
hope their main takeaway would be?
• Complete this sentence: I am inspired by this film (or
discussion) to __________.
GENERAL DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
Jo and Kang build snowmen of each other.
Photo courtesy Film Movement
DISCUSSION PROMPTS
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
Love Story
How do you think Kang or Jo would respond to this ques-
tion: What’s the secret to a great marriage?
Do Jo and Kang fit your definition of “soul mates”? What
sorts of things do they do or say (or avoid doing or saying)
that signals their love for each other?
To what do you attribute their extraordinary affection and
mutual respect? Is it just luck or that their personalities mesh,
or do you also see cultural factors that might have con-
tributed to the health and longevity of their relationship?
Did you see anything familiar in the film? How did Kang and
Jo’s life compare to your own? How did the film compare
with Hollywood love stories you’ve seen?
Married when she was 14, Kang recalls, “He wouldn’t make a
move on me even after we were married… I’ll forever be
grateful he waited for me.” Did Jo’s initial patience con-
tribute to the ultimate longevity of their relationship? How?
Jo and Kang.
Photo courtesy Film Movement
DISCUSSION PROMPTS
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
End of Life
Kang gave birth to twelve children, but six died. How did
buying long johns for her deceased children honor their
memory and help her heal?
The couple cares for two pet dogs. What did you notice
about the role that the pets played in their lives?
Jo’s children want to rush their father to the hospital, but
Kang stops them because, she says, “The doctor told me
he’s too old so medicine won’t do him any good. So we
should just let him rest.” Which of these positions best serves
the dying?
Kang sleeps next to Jo during his illness.
Photo courtesy Film Movement
DISCUSSION PROMPTS
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
Death
Kang wishes that she could die together with her husband:
“We can go holding hands. We’ll cross that bridge beyond,
go over the hill together. And everyone can come to bid us
farewell. I’d wave goodbye to all of them. If we could go to-
gether like that, wouldn’t that be nice?” What did you learn
from the film about what you might say to someone who ex-
pressed a desire to die along with a loved one?
Kang observes the traditional practice of burning clothes for
the deceased to wear in the afterlife. What rituals does your
family or community perform to say goodbye to, engage
with or honor the dead? How do those rituals facilitate the
grieving process?
What does Jo and Kang’s life together teach us about the
links between joy and sorrow?
Jo reflects, “Flowers and leaves are just like people, really.
Come spring, the leaf sprouts. Come summer, it grows big,
soaking up the rain. By autumn, the frost makes them fall,
though. People are no different. We’re young, like
sprouting leaves. Then we bloom. If we could stay in
bloom forever, it’d be great, but with age we begin to wither
and then we fall. And that’s the end. After the fall, there isn’t
much else.” Do you share his philosophy? What lessons do
you take from nature that deepen your understanding of
human life?
What do you think the film’s title means?
Saying goodbye.
Photo courtesy Film Movement
Additional media literacy questions are available at:
www.pbs.org/pov/educators/media-literacy.php
Taking Action
• Make time this week to connect with older adults in your life, whether they are
your parents, spouse or friends.
• Convene a study circle to look at how various cultures around the world handle
end-of-life issues and rituals.
• Make sure that family members have written wills that indicate their wishes for
acceptable medical interventions, funeral arrangements and distribution of
property. In addition to legal documents, consider adding written or video letters
with personal messages to individual loved ones.
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
Kang burns some of Jo's clothing.
Photo courtesy Film Movement
FILM MOVEMENT
http://www.filmmovement.com/libraries/index.asp?Mer
chandiseID=477
Film Movement’s website for the film includes photos, a
press kit and other film-related resources.
AARP
www.aarp.org
This advocacy organization provides lots of information
on healthy aging, maintaining active relationships and end-
of-life issues. Of special interest is this article about
Korea’s aging population:
http://journal.aarpinternational.org/a/b/2013/02/Koreas-
Age-Boom-How-South-Korea-is-Addressing-the-Reality-of
-Low-Fertility-and-a-Rapidly-Aging-Society.
ASIA SOCIETY: “THE VALUE AND MEANING
OF THE KOREAN FAMILY”
http://asiasociety.org/education/value-and-meaning-
korean-family
The Asia Society’s website includes articles on many
aspects of Korean culture. This article outlines traditional
family practices and relationships.
HOSPICE
www.hospicenet.org
This website serves as an information clearinghouse for
patients and families coping with terminal illness.
NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH:
“AGING AND FAMILY LIFE: A DECADE REVIEW”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3427733
This review from the National Institutes of Health covers
research about aging families and changing relationships.
RESOURCES
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
My Love, Don’t Cross That River
Original Online Content on POV
To further enhance the broadcast, POV has produced an interactive website to enable viewers to explore the film in
greater depth. The My Love, Don’t Cross That River website—http://www.pbs.org/pov/mylovedontcrossthatriver/—
offers a streaming video trailer for the film; an interview with filmmaker; a list of related websites, articles and books;
a downloadable discussion guide; and special features.
Jo and Kang crossing a bridge in the Korean countryside.
Photo courtesy Film Movement
HOW TO BUY THE FILM
To order My Love, Don’t Cross That River for educational use,
visit http://www.filmmovement.com/libraries/index.asp?MerchandiseID=477.
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Front cover: Jo Byeong-man, Kang Kye-yeol.
Photo courtesy Film Movement
